did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
