I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
