Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
