Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
