I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
