her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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