the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
