Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
