This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
