he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
