Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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