I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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