11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
