if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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