Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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