Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
