I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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