I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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