he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
