I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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