I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
