Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
