I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
