i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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