Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
