Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
