operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
