I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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