someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
