So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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