i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
vagina is talking i cant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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