It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
