under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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