yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
