You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
