i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
