so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
