Someone shit on the floor
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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