I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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