i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Green mimosas i think yes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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