I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How does it feel to date your dad?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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