Screwed.edu
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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