uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
