I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Buhtt sex?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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