I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
