He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
