FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
