how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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