i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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