For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
