OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
